Your knight for my pawn, and you have to take it. Things are about to get worse, sunshine. This is my game now. You have been out-calculated. I don't want the piece, I want your soul. My attack hurts like a school disco and I'm going to sac sac mate until... wait. What? 10 seconds left. But, I'm winning, right? I must be like +5 right now. Just play any move. But how do you have 10 minutes on your clock? Anyway, just play any move. That one will do, fine. For. Fuck's. Sake. Any move but that move! How could I instantly find the one move that loses? Literally, I could have played anything el...

The truth is, my openings still suck. As, I’m sure, do yours. But it’s not our fault. It is, I concluded conveniently, our repertoires’ fault. They are not built for humans, because they are not practical. Here’s how to fix things.